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How to Be Sick (Second Edition): A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers, by Toni Bernhard
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Review
"Beautiful, heartfelt, and immensely courageous. Truly worth reading." (Sharon Salzberg, author of Lovingkindness)"Full of hopefulness and promise…this book is a perfect blend of inspiration and encouragement. Toni's engaging teaching style shares traditional Buddhist wisdom in a format that is accessible to all readers." (The Huffington Post)“An invitation to gently set aside the fear and the fight in order to truly live.” (Psychology Today)"An inspiring work." (Joseph Goldstein, author of A Heart Full of Peace)“This is a book for all of us.” (Sylvia Boorstein, author of Happiness Is an Inside Job)“An immensely wise book. Health psychology has been poisoned by the view that the best way to approach illness is through a muscular, militant resistance. Toni Bernhard reveals how letting go, surrendering, and putting the ego aside yield insights and fulfillment even in the presence of illness. A major contribution.” (Larry Dossey, MD, author of The Power of Premonitions and Healing Words)“Everyone should read this book—anyone who is sick, anyone who loves someone who is sick, and anyone who has ever experienced things being other than they’d hoped they would be. Toni Bernhard open- heartedly shares the deep pain and equally deep joy of her experience in a way that allows us to validate the pain of our own circumstances, and still find joy and contentment within any context. She offers simple, deeply wise practices that reduce the suffering associated with grasping for things to be other than they are by allowing us to accept and enjoy things exactly as they are, including our own desire for something else. Her willingness to step fully into her life after it’s been dramatically narrowed by illness, and to share this process with us, inspires us each to live our own lives more fully, accepting the challenges that arise, and finding the joys inherent in each moment. Toni’s writing feels like a good friend, helping us cultivate compassion for ourselves and those around us, as we make our way through whatever life presents to us. Her honesty in sharing her struggles and setbacks helps us be kinder to ourselves as we experience our own. I plan to buy a copy for everyone I love.” (Elizabeth Roemer, PHD, co- author of The Mindful Way through Anxiety)“A profound, compassionate, and intimate guide for living wisely.” (Gil Fronsdal, author of The Dhammapada: A New Translation of a Buddhist Classic)“When we lose our physical health, it can seem like we’ve lost our life. Toni Bernhard, with unflinching realness and deep insight, shows us how the fires of loss can clear the way for a new and profound capacity for appreciation, love, and understanding. This book can bring you more fully alive by healing your spirit.” (Tara Brach, author of Radical Acceptance)“Told with relentless honesty and clarity.” (Stephen Batchelor, author of Confession of a Buddhist Atheist)
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About the Author
Toni Bernhard fell ill on a trip to Paris in 2001 with what doctors initially diagnosed as an acute viral infection. She has not recovered. In 1982, she’d received a J.D. from the School of Law at the University of California, Davis, and immediately joined the faculty where she stayed until chronic illness forced her to retire. During her twenty-two years on the faculty, she served for six years as dean of students. In 1992, she began to study and practice Buddhism. Before becoming ill, she attended many meditation retreats and led a meditation group in Davis with her husband. She lives in Davis with her husband, Tony, and their hound dog, Rusty. Toni can be found online at www.tonibernhard.com.
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Product details
Paperback: 256 pages
Publisher: Wisdom Publications; Revised, Updated edition (September 25, 2018)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 161429478X
ISBN-13: 978-1614294788
Product Dimensions:
6 x 0.8 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.4 out of 5 stars
250 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#14,589 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
A nice introduction to a Buddhist approach to facing illness, especially long term. I found it to be a little 'uneven'. Some chapters were very good and some drift a little too technically Buddhist (Western Buddhism). Keep in mind you are reading something by someone who knows firsthand what it is like. A couple of the stories about dealing with doctors and the healthcare industry are probably worth purchasing - makes you hope that the providers are reading along too. I've finished this book and am now reading 'How to Live Well', written after this one. So far I'm enjoying that one a little more, not quite so much Buddhist jargon. Either book would be a good read for anyone, but as a bit unfamiliar philosophy, Buddhism has a lot of ideas that need explaining and she does it well. I have 4th stage cancer and this book was comforting and helpful.
For those of us with chronic conditions -- in some cases, multiple chronic conditions -- Bernard's book is worth a look. I read it while doing what I call "baby Buddhism," reading a bunch of American Buddhist teachers. And although I haven't been able consistently to meditate, I appreciate the practical nature of Bernhard's advice. Nothing "religious" at all. Not even so-called spiritual. More a clutch of recipes for day-to-day survival, whatever your circumstances. I understand the reviewers who've carped at Bernhard's RPP (Rich People's Problems); I, too, am without a partner and living on short commons. But that doesn't mean that what Bernhard suggests is useless, only that one approach the book with a willingness p to listen. The reference to Byron Katey I found especially helpful; it's cognitive therapy lite in a few simple steps. (I'm serious about that folks; psychologists take a look!) Not one of those books that lives on my bedside table -- at different times, Jon Kabat-Zinn and for my sins, atheist that I am, Anne Lamott's -- but permanently on a shelf in the study, awaiting the next time of need.
I didn't find this very helpful. I suppose if I was in the author's position and had family and friends and was financially comfortable, it would be a lot easier to be sick. But since I am 54, and have been home-bound for many years with painful lupus so have long lost touch with friends, and the only family I have left is a mother in a nursing home with Alzheimer's, and am on Medicaid and barely getting by, the author's words didn't help much. I guess my needs are more basic than what she had to offer.
I love this book! I can completely relate to this book. This book helped me to find balance, self compassion, and contentment in solitude. And ,it especially helped me to let go of negative patterns of thinking. I now constantly challenge my negative thoughts and have felt more at peace. Thank you Toni Bernhard for having the courage to write this book. May you be blessed for your loving kindness that you have sent out into the world!
It is hard to admit, when I started reading this book I was jealous of the author. Because she had the opportunity to raise children and begin an illustrious career, things that seem so far away to me as someone who got sick in my mid twenties.But she had suffered so much, and I was of course trying to suppress this awful feeling, just on the edge of my consciousness ... When I got to the chapter on jealousy. And I knew I had found the book that would walk me through the darkest parts of this, the parts I didn't even know how to name.I know of nothing else like this book. Not to be found in my Catholic background, which glorifies suffering while also reducing it to a series of "crosses to bear." Not in the more progressive spiritualists I now read, who have a nagging tendency to blame the sick for our suffering. Because, the suggestion goes, we would heal ourselves if our spirits were a bit stronger. If only life were so tidy. So tidy as in the minds of people who are ... chronically healthy.But, no one could have written this book from a place of perfect (physical) health. While I wish I could take away Toni Bernhard's disease, the way she has transformed it into this beautiful gift gives me hope.A sick personis a sick person.And yet, and yet ...
This is the first book I ever finished, then started all over and read it again. I have a fairly mild case of CFS, especially compared with hers, but her view of what she can, and especially what she can't, is inspiring. To retain such a positive view of life is truly amazing.Don't be put off by the term "Buddhist". She discusses meditation quite a bit, but this could be Christian meditation just as easily as Buddhist.
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